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One Truth, Six Falsehoods

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That's right, folks. I am a Christian/Roman Catholic Deist who happens to accept scientific evidence for evolution as well as the idea that it was made possible by God and its quite a shame that protestant America happens to be too blind to even see the indisputable proof found in the geological time records, which span to billions of years. Young Earth Creationists like Ken Ham are ignorant frauds who are breaking one of the Ten Commandments that states that no one should bear false witness upon their neighbors, which especially includes bearing false witness on science. I also protest against people wanting to bring back paganism and ban Christianity in Europe because they see it as a barbaric desert religion based on worshipping a dead Jew on a stick, a statement that is intolerant and offensive to my views. Now lets take a look at some of the most ridiculous pseudoscientific theories regarding the origin of humanity.

1. Lamarkianism: The idea that the parent, as he/she is altered or changed in a short period of time, passes on his/her traits to his/her offspring. This theory was supported with the idea of some short-necked giraffe ancestor into the giraffe we see today in a short period of time, but what about human beings? Well, if someone were to make an example with human beings there, a typical Lamarkian would deny humans evolving from apes and instead insist that we just came out of nowhere and before we started civilization, we lived like a bunch of naked, bipedal people acting like animals and that we were dwarves compared to today. But then we see a modern man, as seen in the picture, who walks by and marries a woman to produce a child, who ends up getting his hands chopped off and then becomes the father of a child born with no arms. Then that armless child tries out a tribal custom of deforming himself by elongating his neck so he could reach fruits from a tree and thus gives birth to a long-necked, armless child, who then undergoes plastic surgery by adulthood only to end up having ridiculously large lips and a puffed up nose like some racist stereotype and becomes a parent to an armless, long-necked child with the same facial features. Then that child is abducted by a mad scientist who stitches a dead man's pair of legs and a lion's limbless, headless body into that child and then that modified child becomes a parent to a four-legged, long-necked freak of nature known as the mangiraffe descending from a healthy human who happens to be his great-great-great grandfather. Honestly, that is a bunch of ludicris and heresy that deserves an F for thinking that evolution is random and fast because that is not natural at all. 

2. Fish-to-Man Theory: The idea originated from Amaximander (610 BC-546 BC), a Greek philosopher who thought that mankind evolved from fish into a human being and explained it to his fellow Greeks. But who is the missing link of that process? A mermaid? Since ancient times, there are people who assume that we did not evolve from apes, but from mermaids from some magical, fantasy world in the deep, blue ocean like Atlantis or something. There's even an Animal Planet documentary that suggests that a group of apes started to become native to the sea and then become mermaids, who soon ended up ashore on land and their tails turned into legs. Its messed up and outdated, I know, because evolution is actually a steady, slow process, and the only thing that could have evolved from a fish, according to science, is an amphibian, not a human being. Furthermore, the theory has also failed in using comparative anatomy and thus is inferior to modern science, which more accurately looks at the human anatomy and confirms that we are related to modern apes and therefore we had evolved from apes, not fish people.

3. Greco-Roman Paganism: Throughout the ancient Greco-Roman world, many people at the time were pagans who thought that animals and plants appeared in their present form while mankind originated as a race of heroic giants. According to this ancient lie, human beings were once giants living in a "golden age" where they live in the forests like animals and had no fortifications or weapons. At this point, there were no houses until the so-called "silver age", inferior to the "golden age", and then people started getting savage and tempered in the "braze age" and then by the "iron age", people start committing crime like a flood tore down trees and started making weapons. As the golden age shifted to the iron age, we find that men eventually reduced into dwarves compared to their hero-giant ancestors. It's messed up and backward, if you ask me, just like the more creationist pagan myths, and its also a nortion that made the Greeks adopt that nonsense into their lineage and then declare themselves as superior to all the other races, especially Persians, Jews, Egyptians, and blacks, hence the origins of racist expansionism.

4. Creationism: From Ancient Mesopotamia to the Young Earth movement, this is one of the worst explainations of humanity's origins in the history of the world as it states that humans appeared in their present form since the beginning of time and I for one see this as idiotic and completely primitive, making it fit for only cavemen, inbreds, red necks, outcasts, savages, and morons. Many examples of pagan creationism include the ancient Egyptian claim that man originated from Rah's tears, the ancient Mesopotamian claim that man was fashioned out of the blood of a slain god, the Norse assumption that humanity was created out of logs by Odin, Vili, and Ve, and countless others. Since the Reformation in Europe, Protestants have become so obessed with being literal with the Genesis stories of the Bible that they ended up misintepreting it, seeing it as true, which explains why they had rejected evolution, the big bang, and science in general. Because of this, we end up with Young Earth Creationists like Ken Ham, who thinks that dinosaurs coexisted with humans and that death did not exist until after the Fall, and some Flat-Earthers spreading their pseudo-Christian heresy within parts of the world while claiming that Noah's flood was real and worldwide rather than a series of local floods affecting only parts of the planet and it sickens me deeply that we have advanced throughout our existence and yet remain stuck with that same Stone-Age thinking. Also, the Bible sounds too poetic to even be a historical book at all, even though I see the lives of Moses and Jesus as true, but in a less supernatural way. 

5. Annanuki-Alien theories: Another pagan lie is the idea that conspiracy theorists came up with back at the New Age movement, a time when pagan cults and suicide movements occur while the internet was developing. According to them, humanity was created 15,000-10,000 years ago as a slave race by the Annunuki or some other alien race and that even since then, we are herded like sheep by an elite few who were the end result of an alien-human intercourse according to that same theory. Its what causes many people to throw away their own beliefs in favor of a cult that suggests that they are no more free than the slaves of ancient times and will always remain slaves. I promise you that there are countless pieces of history and archeology that disprove that nonsense full of anti-scientific backwardness rather the believers like it or not.

6. Scientology: Its the same kind of alien-worshipping paganism you see in the annunuki conspiracy theories, but instead of us being created by them completely, we actually descended from aliens that were made victims by some overlord named Xeno, who ordered them to be frozen, sent them into DC-8's with jet-engines, dropped them into a volcano, indoctrinated the souls of the victims' spirits, and then have them wander in confusion until they ended up possessing the bodies of stone age man. Honestly, scientology is a farce and a false religion that functions more like a typical pagan cult and it deserves to be shunned upon for denying the true origins of humanity entirely for the sake of ignorance. I am ashamed of anyone who would be so blind enough into even believe in those lies made by a man from the 1950's who read too much science fiction novels involving aliens. 

Thus, in conclusion, with the scientific evidence we have collected from numerous fossils from different layers of the earth and the anatomical similarities we share with apes, along with our dna being mostly related to chimpanzees, it is obvious that the ape-to-man theory is more accurate and therefore, Darwinian evolution is the undisputed master and is the one and only true origin of mankind and the only possible way that God could have ever made man in his image. I am Christian descendent of a pack of apes and proud of it! I am born to a species that derives from a common ancestor shared between my species and other apes such as gorillas, orangutans, chimpanzees, and bonobos. Amen!
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Touch-Not-This-Cat's avatar
So, what do you make of the Synod?

Chesterton said, “if you stop believing in God You don’t believe in nothing, you believe in anything”.

From the Orthodox perspective, it could also be said, “if stop believing in God correctly, you end up believing in any ‘god’”.

I neither ‘believe in’ or ‘disbelieve in’ science anymore as anything more than a tool or a toy to be used when I have a need or feel like having harmless fun. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the Sacred Mysteries, they are something else entirely.
This is one of many reasons I am now embracing Western Orthodoxy.

Innovations like yours are not sustainable. They don’t inspire, they cannot transcend beyond the limits of fads and fashions.
When evolutionary theory is a useful tool, I will use it. When it’s fodder for my amusement, I will also occasionally use it, though less these days.
It has no other ethical uses, CERTAINLY nothing related to philosophy.
The philosophies built from it are dissolving civilization slowly like acid rain on foundation stones. I will no longer be a part of that.